It all happened so quickly! One minute he was standing on the platform, the next he was hurtling through the air, hanging on for dear life. At least I still have my new nike air boots, he thought to himself. At the very same moment his brand new shoes flew off of his feet and landed metres behind him. "No!" Jerry shouted in anger and pain. "Hey, that's a cool camera to take selfies with" Jerry thought as he grabbed a flash camera from a man on the platform taking pictures. Then he suddenly realised that he wasn't in the train he was on the side of the train with his fingers stuck in the door and now the train was moving and headed straight for a tunnel! TO BE CONTINUED...
Great start Cole, looking forward to the next installment
ReplyDeleteWow - there is a lot happening to keep your audience interested! I like how you have added detail to your writing. e.g. "brand new shoes flew off his feet" and "shouted in anger and pain". I wonder what will happen next?
ReplyDeleteGreat writing Cole!
Cole, you have used some very descriptive words and phrases. When the boy's brand new shoes fell off I thought "Oh no". You have certainly hooked the reader in.
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